Name Ponderings

I wish I could be like SpiderMan, SuperMan, or even Betty La Fea*.

At least these people can live up to their name.

But whenever I see my own: AGAPE LOVELLE, the me gets the chills.

I mean, Lovelle wouldn’t be so hard, would it. Toss in whatever L.O.V.E I’ve got in my heart cupboard and it should be alright. But to my despair and incessant excitement, AGAPE is still in included in my birth certificate.

AGAPE: the love of GOD or Christ for mankind,

selfless love of one person for another,

a religious meal shared as a sign of love and fellowship.

Great.

Love of God. Unconditional. Everlasting. Does not keep a record of wrongs. And it’s permanently identified in my name. Talk about pressure really.

And imagine the grief that pierced my shattered heart when I came across this command as I was doing my “wow time” with Jesus last night.

“Let love be without hypocrisy”

- Romans 12:9

One sentence did it all.

Because right now, it is extremely hard for me to love. Not just the touchy feely and mushy one but just love to the full extent of what Jesus is feeling for us. Family and friends are still irreplaceable in my life but honestly, it seems like all the feelings are already exhausted from my heart and all that it is doing right now is just pumping blood.

It died.

Together with all the ramifications and grief and hope that somehow, it will be revived. Together with all my sparkle and glittering excitement to reach out to people and get to know them. Together with all the passion to share my all and pour out my resources to everyone within my reach. Together with all my dreams and desires to belong to someone.

But then again, I know that my GOD is in the process of resuscitating my heart. In the midst of this transition, I know that His love will overpower my past. His AGAPE love will take over my feeble being. His immense grace will transform this soul and cleanse my life.

And maybe,

I will be able to live up to my name again, somehow.